Monday, November 22, 2004


Another Day of Purpose

Today seems to be in a fog. It is a gray and cloudy day. Despite that, I seem to have a sense of peace before a storm, as if change is on the way. Despite my philosophical ramblings, today is in fact a day much like any other. Getting breakfast, cleaning up, getting everyone dressed, checking my e-mail, working on my book proposal and in the midst of it all trying to remember throughout the day how much I love my children, love my husband and love my life. It is amazing how quickly I can forget that if I do not consciously take the time throughout the day to do that.

I have a new schedule based on Zones of activities that my spiritual mother Toni helped me to put together. I really appreciate that at the transitin time between Zones, she has designated that I should perform a spiritual check-in. I love that idea and it keeps me from getting too preoccupied with any negative or unproductive thoughts. Those thoughts just seem to be waiting by the gate, ready to pounce on you any time you are not alert to their presence.

Meanwhile Chase is busy singing as he plays with his trains. A happy kid, praise God! Sometimes I wonder if I am giving him all that he needs but times like these make me a little less worried.

The fact is that God is good. Whatever happens today, He has equipped me to handle it.

Thursday, November 18, 2004


The Second Child

My dear little Alyssa is 1-year old today! I am reflective today, thinking back on my pregnancy with Alyssa and how it was different from my pregnancy with my son, Chase, 4 years ago. I feel that with Alyssa, I spent too much time of my pregnancy worrying. I worried about the possibility of needing another C-section, I worried about not being able to have a natural childbirth without drugs, I worried about our finances, I worried about not having enough time or enough love to give the best care for 2 children and I worried that I was worrying too much! The bottom line is, I spent too much time giving energy and thought to events and problems that had not happened when I could have been busy savoring my pregnancy and imagining how much fun having a second child would be.

The way things actually turned out did not reflect my fears. I had a speedy labor, no painkillers (although I came close!) and pushed for only 15 minutes before having a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section). I have loved having a second child. I was not sure about having a second child initially, but following God's direction, my husband and I decided against our original course of having only one child. As many mothers had shared with me, I found that the amount of love in our household has actually multiplied. I did not "run out of love" after getting married and having my first child. Instead, I seem to have even more love to give now that Alyssa is in my life. I love watching Alyssa and her brother having fun together and sharing loving moments. I love watching Alyssa and her Daddy loving each other. I love watching all 3 of them loving each other. I feel built up by the love that I get from my children and my husband.

God is good all the time and I am delivered from fear. I give thanks to the Almighty Lord for blessing me with so much love in my family and I pray that I will continue to enjoy my family and serve them well.

Thursday, November 11, 2004



The Lord has been working on me about faith lately. It takes not only a village but a lot of faith to raise a family. So many things can happen that seem out of my control (and of course I love to be in control) that I could just live in fear at all times. That is no way to live!

Today, my children and I are sick with colds. Even these mild illnesses seem to remind me that our good health is precious and perhaps at times tenuous. Illness can strike at any time and I realize that I should consider myself blessed that we are realtively healthy and free of any serious or chronic diseases. Instead of fear, I will choose to live in gratitude for all that we have been blessed with all that we have including our health.

Our days with our children are to be enjoyed with abandon. Fear is the absence of faith and I am working to react less out of fear and to act more out of love. I remember reading something a mother wrote about fear that has stayed with me for years and I often remind myself and my patients about it. Usually, when we are angry or upset with our children, fear is the culprit. From the heart-gripping fear of "Get out of the street right now! A car could have run you over!" to "If you do not learn to share now, no one will want to be your friend". We are afraid that our children will not succeed in school or in life, that they will be hurt in a thousand different ways, that they will let us down, that they grow up to hate us, that we may grow to dislike them.

Today, I reject the bondage of fear and embrace the day in faith.

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