Shrink Mom

This blog has moved to www. JoyfulParent.blogspot.com. Please come over and check it out. Yet another Hewitt-inspired blog!

Today seems to be in a fog. It is a gray and cloudy day. Despite that, I seem to have a sense of peace before a storm, as if change is on the way. Despite my philosophical ramblings, today is in fact a day much like any other. Getting breakfast, cleaning up, getting everyone dressed, checking my e-mail, working on my book proposal and in the midst of it all trying to remember throughout the day how much I love my children, love my husband and love my life. It is amazing how quickly I can forget that if I do not consciously take the time throughout the day to do that.

I have a new schedule based on Zones of activities that my spiritual mother Toni helped me to put together. I really appreciate that at the transitin time between Zones, she has designated that I should perform a spiritual check-in. I love that idea and it keeps me from getting too preoccupied with any negative or unproductive thoughts. Those thoughts just seem to be waiting by the gate, ready to pounce on you any time you are not alert to their presence.

Meanwhile Chase is busy singing as he plays with his trains. A happy kid, praise God! Sometimes I wonder if I am giving him all that he needs but times like these make me a little less worried.

The fact is that God is good. Whatever happens today, He has equipped me to handle it.

My dear little Alyssa is 1-year old today! I am reflective today, thinking back on my pregnancy with Alyssa and how it was different from my pregnancy with my son, Chase, 4 years ago. I feel that with Alyssa, I spent too much time of my pregnancy worrying. I worried about the possibility of needing another C-section, I worried about not being able to have a natural childbirth without drugs, I worried about our finances, I worried about not having enough time or enough love to give the best care for 2 children and I worried that I was worrying too much! The bottom line is, I spent too much time giving energy and thought to events and problems that had not happened when I could have been busy savoring my pregnancy and imagining how much fun having a second child would be.

The way things actually turned out did not reflect my fears. I had a speedy labor, no painkillers (although I came close!) and pushed for only 15 minutes before having a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section). I have loved having a second child. I was not sure about having a second child initially, but following God's direction, my husband and I decided against our original course of having only one child. As many mothers had shared with me, I found that the amount of love in our household has actually multiplied. I did not "run out of love" after getting married and having my first child. Instead, I seem to have even more love to give now that Alyssa is in my life. I love watching Alyssa and her brother having fun together and sharing loving moments. I love watching Alyssa and her Daddy loving each other. I love watching all 3 of them loving each other. I feel built up by the love that I get from my children and my husband.

God is good all the time and I am delivered from fear. I give thanks to the Almighty Lord for blessing me with so much love in my family and I pray that I will continue to enjoy my family and serve them well.

The Lord has been working on me about faith lately. It takes not only a village but a lot of faith to raise a family. So many things can happen that seem out of my control (and of course I love to be in control) that I could just live in fear at all times. That is no way to live!

Today, my children and I are sick with colds. Even these mild illnesses seem to remind me that our good health is precious and perhaps at times tenuous. Illness can strike at any time and I realize that I should consider myself blessed that we are realtively healthy and free of any serious or chronic diseases. Instead of fear, I will choose to live in gratitude for all that we have been blessed with all that we have including our health.

Our days with our children are to be enjoyed with abandon. Fear is the absence of faith and I am working to react less out of fear and to act more out of love. I remember reading something a mother wrote about fear that has stayed with me for years and I often remind myself and my patients about it. Usually, when we are angry or upset with our children, fear is the culprit. From the heart-gripping fear of "Get out of the street right now! A car could have run you over!" to "If you do not learn to share now, no one will want to be your friend". We are afraid that our children will not succeed in school or in life, that they will be hurt in a thousand different ways, that they will let us down, that they grow up to hate us, that we may grow to dislike them.

Today, I reject the bondage of fear and embrace the day in faith.

So today is one of those days. One of those days when it seems so hard to smile, hard to keep the faith. This is in spite of being abundantly blessed by my Heavenly Father. In spite of knowing in my heart that I serve a Lord who wants to prosper me and not harm me. As I write this, I realize that I do not have the luxury of allowing any thoughts from the enemy to enter my mind. I am looking around my (very) messy house and loving every inch of it. I am watching the baby intently grabbing the pail and finally putting it over her head. I am watching a very inquisitive and sensitive 4-year old become totally engrossed in his LEGO play. I am listening to a husband straightening up the kitchen after dinner thereby giving me the means to write in this blog. I am incredibly blessed and my God is an Awesome God! He is truly the author of all that is good and right and His power and His mercy know no end. The truth is that over the course of this day I was able to help a hurting family minister to their teenager, have a great disussion with a local pastor who is incredibly supportive of my mission and is allowing me to have an office in his church, reconnect with a (paying) writing client and fellowship with a mommy friend whom I discovered has a passion for writing like I do. This has been a day created by God and in His goodness He has protected my family and I throughout from countless possible mishaps. I continue to grow in grace and truth as I wait in joyful hope for the Christ to return.

Today I heard my four-year old son talking in the bathroom. I asked him what he was talking about and he said that he had made up a new prayer. I asked if I could listen and what he said was something like, "Dear God, thank You for everything. Thank you for my toothbrush, the shower curtain, the soap, my shampoo, my baby sister, the faucet..." and he went on naming various items as he saw them or thought of them. Wow, I thought. How wonderful to take the time out of one's day to thank God for something as seemingly mundane as a faucet! I was inspired by my son's simple act of gratitude and I thanked God for little things around my house all day. What a difference that made in an otherwise dreary, gray and rainy Cleveland Monday. Everyday I understand a little better why Jesus teaches us to become like little children so that we might enter into Heaven.

Take-home tip: Take at least a few minutes at least twice each day to find something to thank God for, no matter how down you are or how little you feel you have. It is wonderful what focusing on what you have instead of what you do not have can change your attitude.

Yesterday my 4-year old son offered to help me put the groceries away and he grabbed a big bag of apples to put in the refrigerator. I gently reminded him,"Do not throw the apples around but be gentle with them or else you will bruise them." after an episode from the last shopping trip in which he was in fact being rather rough with the poor produce. My son very seriously said to me, "I don't need you to remind me of that Mommy. I remember what I did and I was not going to do it again." Ouch! I realized that I had not given him a chance to show his newfound respect for easy-to-bruise produce but instead in my zeal to keep him from making a mistake, I missed an opportunity for him to show me that he grown and changed. I was humbled and reminded to give others (husbands included) an opportunity to show what they can do before I offer pre-emptive correction.

Take-home tip: Be mindful of what you are correcting when dealing with others. Is it something that can correct itself? Can you let others make mistakes and correct them aferwards or do you always try to take control of outcomes of situations before you even know if your input is needed? You may save yourself some energy and foster growth in others by learning when to just "wait and see".

This small teachable moment echoes studies done by The Heritage Foundation that reveal that our children learn by being present with us as much as possible in a family setting. I would not trade these precious moments for anything else in this world.